Robyn vs. James Cullen

Update: A lot has changed since I published this, so I have had to redact certain parts of this.

No not Jamie Cullem unless he happens to come from Ireland and have a terrible grasp of the English language. I received a text message late Sunday night, I thought it strange as most of my friends were standing in my kitchen and my girlfriend at the time was talking to me on messenger so I assumed it to be a message from o2 telling me what a wonderful customer I was and that I could win 5pence just for topping up. But it wasn’t and what follows is the rather odd conversation I had with this fellow, all via text message, thank goodness I had free text messages is all I can say.

JC: Who this?

RC: I believe you meant to say ‘Who is this?’

JC: Yeah who is this?

RC: Hi, I’m [REDACTED] and who might you be?

JC: Is this a bi r a girl?

RC: I’m sure I don’t know what a bira girl is but you didn’t answer my question, who is it that I’m speaking to?

JC: James cullen.

RC: Hello James cullen, I do not believe we have met before, could you enlighten me as to where you got my mobile telephone number from?

JC: I got it from one me nw m8s and is ur real name [Feminine version of my deadname]?

RC: I see, I would be interested to know your friends name as I might know them, and no my real name is not [Feminine version of my deadname].

JC: Nathem thats hes name. What is ur name.

RC: No I don’t know anyone by the name of Nathem, My name is [REDACTED], do you know why Nathem gave you my number?

JC: Your a gay aunt the way you write.

RC: I believe you meant ‘You’re’ rather than ‘Your’ and I have nothing against gay aunts, however I am not very fond of this so called “text speak”

JC: Who is this.

RC: As I have already tried to make clear to you my name is [REDACTED] and I do not know who you are or who this Nathem character is.

JC: Nb

RC: Nb? Am I to assume that you are insulting me for telling you who I am, and that I am as oblivious of this current situation as you are.

JC: What you going on about.

RC: Well I don’t know what ‘Nb’ stands for, one would assume that it is an insult directed at me for not telling you what you want to hear.

JC: It means no baw.

RC: Ah I see, I had never heard that before, I take it you come from Ireland then.

JC: Yeah were the f**k are you from?

RC: I’m from the South West of England.

JC: Are you girl.

RC: I wasn’t the last time I looked but I can check again if you like.

JC: I was just asking becausd ur name is [REDACTED] like.

RC: Ah I see, no my name is [REDACTED] not [Feminine version of my deadname] and I double checked for you I am still a guy [A Note from future Robyn, this would turn out to be incorrect, I am girl after all.]

JC: I said are yo a girl and you said yeah. Dickhead.

RC: I said no such thing you asked me ‘Is this a bi r a girl?’ and I said I didn’t know what that was, then you asked if my real name is [Feminine version of my deadname] and I said no.

JC: What are you.

RC: I am Human, what are you?

JC: F**k off

RC: Is that so?

JC: Ur doing my head in.

RC: Tell ya what, give me Nathems number and I’ll go bug him.

JC: F**k off you f**ken twat.

RC: Well I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

And that’s where it stopped, if I get any more I’ll be sure to post them here. I must say Urban Dictionary came in handy when I found out that ‘Nb’ meant ‘No baw’ it was there that I found out it originated in Ireland: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=no%20baw